It probably doesn’t take a genius to figure out that a cinematic combination between Nazis and vampires is, at best, a misguided concept. However, if one were so inclined to pursue such a ridiculous idea, then it should at least be conducted with a sense of humour or a tongue-in-cheek slant.
Yet somehow, the atrocity that is Uwe Boll’s Bloodrayne: The Third Reich (2010) manages to bypass any element of entertainment and crashes head on into a world of unimaginable idiocy and tedium.
In its original inception as a video game (Bloodrayne (2002)) the template was set for the spate of movies to follow, in the shape of Bloodrayne (2005) and Bloodrayne 2: Deliverance (2007). With each suffering the same critical and commercial failure, it is something of a surprise as to how a third instalment to the franchise has managed to find a release.
The film follows the story of Rayne (Natassia Malthe) an immortal, half-human half-vampire fighting against the Nazis. If this doesn’t sound preposterous enough, an evil commander harbours intentions of stealing her blood, in order to inject it into Adolf Hitler himself as a means to offer him immortality.
What is most baffling about Bloodrayne: The Third Reich is that in spite of its crass and outrageous plot, it is one of the most boring, sleep-inducing offerings you are ever likely to come across. Although I wasn’t expecting the next Citizen Kane (1941) I was expecting the film to bring about some kind of reaction. Whether it be unintentional laughs or pure hatred of the events taking place on screen, the last reaction I expected was one of total indifference.
Its sporadic action scenes lack any intensity or fun, resulting in a viewing experience far less entertaining than watching clips from the original video game. This is largely due to the unbearable inability of each and every cast member to convey any more humanity than the pixelated characters that appear in the previously mentioned format.
Pathetic performances aside, Boll’s directorial ineptitude is equally painful to sit through. In trying to provide a sexual element to attract more viewers, Boll manages to create two sex scenes, which are not only anything but a turn on, but are extremely cold, cynical and joyless in their timing, exposition and placement. One includes an entirely baseless lesbian scene between Rayne and a random woman as a reward for murder.
Another takes place in a Nazi transportation truck as she is on her way to be killed. Both scene’s are totally devoid of passion or excitement and are both hugely mistimed. Quite simply, there are no words to be spoken in defence of this dismal piece of garbage.
Daniel Gumble
